No one admits to such things, I say. “I’m not a very analytical person, Andrew,” she replies. “They used to call me the ostrich. I might get upset for an hour, or even a day, but then I bury my head in the sand and I get on with my life. That might make me sound frivolous or shallow, but life is not a bowl of cherries. Life is a bowl of cherry pips and I’ve had quite a few, particularly in the husband department.”
Oh yes, Joan Collins’ husband department – actually a department store famed for its damaged goods. Her first purchase was Maxwell Reed, a matinee idol 14 years her senior. When they met, it was date rape. He picked her up in his Bentley at Bayswater Tube station; she thought they were going to a club. He drove her to his flat, where he proffered a Scotch and Coke laced with something narcotic while he bathed. When she awoke, she threw up and realised sex had occurred. “Did you like it?” he asked. Reader, she married him.
The marriage lasted seven months, ending when Reed suggested she augment his savings by sleeping with a rich sheikh he had lined up. When they divorced, he demanded alimony on the rubbish grounds that he had “discovered” her. “They all got money out of me, actually,” she says of her ex-husbands. The exception was her third, when “there was no money left”.
But he was later. After Reed, she counted among her boyfriends the youthfully spotty Warren Beatty, by whom she became pregnant. He duly arranged an abortion. When Shirley MacLaine later asked what her brother, the famous lothario, was like in bed, Collins replied: “Overrated”.
Back in London she fell under the spell of Anthony Newley, a gifted writer and singer. In 1963, they married. They had two children: Tara, a writer and producer, and Alexander, a painter. He was not faithful to her, but in 1969 decided to work out his issues through an X-rated art movie in which Collins played the protagonist’s wife while a blonde Playboy model was the object of his deepest lust. The film was as bad as their marriage had become.
Her next marriage, in 1972, was to Ron Kass, an American music executive. In a career lull, she chose to experiment with being what was called a housewife. At their semi-detached house in north London, her children were soon joined by a new sister, Katyana. Collins has called the years from 1970 to 1975 “almost perfect” – she even cooked “spaghetti bolognese or stews”. No longer well known, she could travel into town without being bothered.
So she has known normal life? “It’s still normal life,” she says. “I am only occasionally stopped. Then I just say, ‘No, I’m not doing any autographs.’ I wear a baseball cap and glasses.”
Kass, however, lost his London job and they all moved to Hollywood, where his company ran up debts. “Ron, unfortunately, became the victim of drugs and that’s why I was so anti-drug,” she says. “But I won’t go any further than that because we have a daughter.” Katyana is a mother herself and has escaped press attention.
Collins reserves the strongest vitriol in her memoirs for husband number four, Peter Holm, a handsome one-hit wonder Swedish pop singer she writes off as an “obdurate dullard and calculating sociopath” who gaslit her and played the tyrant. Wed in a “tacky” Las Vegas chapel in 1985, they divorced two years later.
There followed Robin Hurlstone, a tall, blond, green-eyed actor – and another major disappointment. Hurlstone did not “take to” her sister or her older daughter and, to their relief, Collins never married him.
Given her experience of rotters, I wonder whether she can explain what women see in Boris Johnson. Did he charm her? “It takes a lot to charm me.” Theatre producer Percy Gibson, who met Collins while toiling on a play she was touring in America, did. His devotion has not wavered from the day in 2000 when he offered to run out to a shop in San Diego to buy her eyeliner and returned with a mascara wand instead. Collins exclaimed, with what reads like relief: “I guess you are not gay.” He was 36 then, 58 now. “Love has no limits,” she says.
So much has been written about Collins, and so much of it by her, I need to inquire whether the new book and stage show have anything left to reveal. “I’ll give you one hint,” she says. “I think the chapter is called ‘Who Is It?’ and it’s about when my sister was born and how angry I was and how I hated her, how I tried to kill her.”
As adults, the novelist and the actor (although Joan writes novels, too) also had their differences, but by the time of Jackie’s death from breast cancer in 2015 they were close. Had Jackie told her she was dying? “I knew, but even if you know, it’s still tragic. My baby sister dies, and from something that she didn’t have to die from. It’s not like she got knocked down by a bus.
“Our mother died of breast cancer, so you go and you have tests every year, which is what I do. And she didn’t. She felt a lump and she didn’t do anything about it, which really is a lesson to all women. For god’s sake, if you find something, do something about it. When she finally went, it was too late.”
Collins’ own health is good. There was a back problem, but physiotherapy worked. She’s had COVID-19 twice. The second time it was “like a cold”, but first time round it was bad. Was she scared of dying? “No.”
Does she ever wake up and feel she can’t be bothered to be the great Joan Collins that day? She looks puzzled. “I work because I love it. It’s the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd,” she says. “I love acting and I’m really looking forward to the tour because that, in a way, is acting too. I’m putting on my best persona so that you’ll write nice things about me.”
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