PRESS UPDATE : THE SPECTATOR LIFE .. DECEMBER 5TH 2022 ..

 Spectator Life

How to survive the party season

Spectator Life writers share their tips.....

December is here and it’s going to be murder out there from now until the new year. Spectactor Life writers explain how to get through it – from swerving bores and turning down invitations to lining your stomach and crashing with panache…

Joan Collins

There are various simple ways to survive the six-week explosion of embossed white-card invitations, exclusive ‘e-vites’ and the occasional last-minute phone call that many of us receive between November and the new year. My best advice is to bin the invitations that celebrate the opening of a restaurant, shop or gallery. In my experience these will be choc-a-bloc with people I don’t know among a sprinkling of paparazzos. Conserve your energies for those intimate gatherings where you are sure to see plenty of friends and no cameras. Once you’ve decided which venue you will honour with your presence, here are some survival tips: eat something before you leave – some soup, a hard-boiled egg, hummus on crackers; alcohol on an empty stomach is the quickest route to a hangover. If it’s a drinks party, don’t stay too long as you’re bound to get plastered. If it’s a dinner party, arrive 45 minutes after the indicated time so that you don’t drink too much before dinner; that long cocktail hour, which too often becomes an hour and a half, can be fatal. And finally, be picky. Don’t be the person who goes to the opening of an envelope. The two golden rules of showbiz – always play hard to get and leave them wanting more – apply to everything in life!

Helen Lederer

Plan ahead: Boot camp in November. Be prepared for vodka searches and beatings but losing a few pounds before mid-November will set you in surplus.

Before party: Do what my mother told me – drink a glass of milk to line your tum (yucky but can save on foolish behaviour after six proseccos).

Prep: Wear frosted eyeshadow and lots of sparkle on décolletage – the more you can resemble a Christmas tree, the more you can be seen to have made the effort. (Caution: bling quota to respect postcode.)

Demeanour: Ask other people how many brothers and sisters they have. You are now sparkly and interested in other people – people love guests like you and you will get a call back.

Control: Decline the canapés but gesture for the guests to whom you are talking to eat them instead – let them smell of the fish paste and not you.

Stamina: Cancel all morning appointments for December. Don’t ruminate on what happened the night before even if you find strange business cards in your clutch bag with the House of Commons logo.

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