BETWEEN THE COVERS : JOAN'S A MOST GLAMOROUS BATTLEAXE IN CHRISTINE'S BOOK!

This weeks book exerpt featuring Joan is from the 1997 title  'Bumper Book Of British Battle Axes' by Christine Hamilton wife of former MP Neil Hamilton.. The book published by Robson Books featured 33 famous British women through the ages.The book also features a chapter on Margaret Thatcher.. At Lady Thatcher's 80th birthday party Joan was asked why she loved her.. She quiped.. "She is the Iron Lady.. I want to be just like her when I grow up!"... Before we read about Joan.. Here is Christine's definition of a Battle Axe....

'The term Battleaxe was first used around 1910 and it referred then to a very closely defined type .. elderly, probably a spinster, aggressive, resentful towards the world, thoroughly unpleasant and pretty ugly to boot! For the purpose of this book, the word Battle Axe covers a multitude of talents, attributes and attitudes. Certain behaviour in a woman attracts attention, whereas the same behaviour in a man goes unremarked.'

Here is an edited exerpt from the chapter devoted to Joan....

"Joan Collins is definitely not the celluloid caricature she often plays. She has spent an inordinate part of her career playing Battlebitches! As Peregrine Worsthorne observed - 'Why does someone who, in private, seems so pre-eminently not a bitch, go to such lengths to give the opposite impression in her professional life?'  The answer to that is simple. Battlebitches like Joan earn good cash. She certainly looks the part. Pouting lips, bedroom eyes, comehither voice, veins positively coursing with high-octane pheromones. She has been a star for so long now that, surely, birth must have been her first premiere. Did she emerge in a lighting storm of flashbulbs and slink down a catwalk, ready clad in slingback 5" stilettos, go to hell red lipstick and shoulder pads built like barbicans? Understandably content with her looks, she says that 'if you don't feel happy with yourself by the time you are 60, you might as well chuck yourself in the Thames.' Father Time treads warily in her direction, no doubt fearing Alexis'ire if there were even a hint of ageing. From the age of 19 battling and axing husbands became a feature of life. Her approach was practical.. 'We owe it to ourselves to be as happy as we can. So if one is unhappy about being married to someone it is best to get out.' Joan avoids lines on the skin, but not off the tongue. An elderly innocent, introduced to her at a Hampstead party, recognised neither her face nor her name. Groping for small talk, he asked politely..'And what do you do?'...She flashed a smile..'Darling.. I don't do anything. I just am!' Joan flits around the world like a delicate butterfly. 'Travel is my greatest extravagance.' She does it the old fashioned way with up to 47 pieces of luggage, apparently more than Elizabeth Taylor and slightly fewer than Elton John. Recognising a kindred spirit, Joan is a staunch admirer of The Supreme Battleaxe, Lady Thatcher, she said .. 'I loved that woman. Loved her.' Playing the part of a superbitch doesn't exclude a sense of humour. Joan has already chosen her epitaph.. 'She had her cake and ate it too.'  Joan has added more than most to what Dr Johnson called.. 'the gaiety of nations and the public stock of harmless pleasure.' Given the OBE in 1997, she suggests it was.. 'For surviving in a desperately precarious profession for 40 years. I'm The Survivor!

(c) 1997 Christine Hamilton ....