I found myself defending Joan Collins’ ‘Timeless Beauty’ makeup the other day, having detected some sniffiness among my peers in the ‘enough of the pointless celeb slap’-vein. Normally I’d concur: the last thing we need is another reality tv cast-off or past-it pop sensation flogging substandard lip gloss.
But this is Joan, people. A woman who’s been a fox all her life. A woman who, as Alexis Carrington-Colby-Dexter-Rowan (she collected men and big rocks) out of Dynasty, defined 1980’s beauty. A woman who applies makeup like it’s 1949 (she was taught by Marilyn’s MUA), and looks all the more amazing for it.
Although her range isn’t exactly targeting the average Cosmo reader, who’s supposed to be a late-twentysomething. But why would a slice of Joan’s extensive makeup knowledge be reserved for the over-forties? Surely those lip and nail colours I spied in the press release, all named after legendary divas, would look good on anyone?
I requested Helene, Fontaine, Evelyn, and Alexis to try, and they promptly arrived in all their golden Art Deco (with a very emphatic nod to Estée Lauder’s classic lipstick tubes) splendour.
Lo and behold, the ‘Helene Divine Lips Lipstick’, £18, is the perfect cherry red I’m continually in search of. It’s smooth and silky, and so densely pigmented you need just the single slick. I marched off to three-course dinner (and five glasses of champagne) and my lips were still cherry at the end of it.
The lacquers are pretty good, too, ‘Alexis’ being a pleasingly rich-bitch plum you could pull all of Krystle Carrington’s hair out without suffering a single chip.
As beauty assistant Lucy (at 23, very much the Cosmo reader and young enough to be ex-cosmo covergirl Joan’s great-granddaughter) says: “WELL DONE, JOAN.”
Timeless Beauty is available at joancollinsbeauty.com